Sixth Week of Lent

Note: this will be the last Lent reflection; next week is Holy Week; time to be quiet [if not silent].

uno. I lost my twin. His name is Frank Martinez. He's been at Microsoft since I joined the company, working in the Spain subsidiary. This week he announced he was leaving the company to retire in southern Spain. Now I will be the only frank martinez at Microsoft. It was an odd shock; made me feel empty at some level, like I had lost a part of my soul. Frank has always been there, we've exchanged mails over the years [but never met in person]. My friend Pedro has met him, apparently he's a very nice man, big family, originally from El Paso. Sometimes his mail would be sent to me by accident; I would chuckle [occasionally it was personal, and intimate].

We talked about a Frank Martinez reunion in the south of Spain someday in the future.

dos. Gospel of Judas discovered. Apparently Christ asked Judas to betray Him, to fulfill the divine plan. We shouldn't be surprised. Did we really think Jesus pulled a name out of a hat, to choose who from his closest allies would betray him? What's sad about this new discovery is how it probably doesn't change most folks impression of Judas; he will continue to be thought of as a pawn to Satan; an evil man who did a terrible thing to the Son of Man, then died ugly [hung himself] to preserve justice.

Yet what if Judas actually loved Christ more than the others? What if he pleaded with Jesus not to be chosen as the one to betray Him? Perhaps he agonized before Good Friday knowing the teacher he loved; the teacher who had revealed the ultimate plan would die from his act; his teacher's blood would drip from the kiss on the cheek.

It also makes me wonder about the private moments with Christ, what did his voice sound like, what did His hands feel like; what was it like to look into His eyes? He lead by example but He also lead by relationship. From what we can gather in the ancient texts His followers were independent, strong willed people. They needed something more than sweeping generalities to draw them into the divine mysteries. Perhaps this occurred in the quiet moments; when Christ spoke to them face to face, away from the crowds.

tres. Homework folks [work with me here]. This week bring your most inner pain to The Cross. What's the one thing blocking you from emerging as the brightest star? What keeps you up at night or what brings fear to your heart? When you crave, is it for a single thing [or wish]? Bring it forward. Perhaps you can't even describe it, but you can feel it deep inside. Freedom is there, waiting to release you. Bring it forward.

quatro. I have this dream... one day all weapons will disappear. We have only our bare bodies to combat with each other. Years ago I had this girlfriend who had a rule in relationships - if you have to fight, fight naked. Made sense to me, cuz fighting naked leads to better things :}

Let's give up trying to figure out why we fight. How we fight might need revisiting.

cinco. Buck Owens died. Remember, I was raised on a steady diet of "Hee Haw" and "Lawrence Welk". The influence on my adult life cannot be ignored. Most folks don't realize he was a great guitar player first, and continued to be throughout his career. It would be a small honor to learn some Buck covers, play them for Chula.

The guitar brings great comfort to my hands, a needed contrast from the keyboard/mouse.

ses. For better or worse we've allowed Memphis to become invested in the Miyazaki films; like "My Friend Totoro", "Howl's Moving Castle", "Kiki's Delivery Service" distributed via Studio Ghibli. The stories are so rich in detail [and nuance] told through spectacular animation, yet different than the Pixar films [both studios are superb animation teams BTW].

Deborah commented on how Miyazaki's films include redemption as a central theme. This makes me wonder about Judas; how he could have never been allowed to live a normal life after Christ's death [if allowed to live at all]. Remember doubting Thomas? What role would Judas have played after the resurrection had he lived; if not a strong ally to incubate the early church?

siete. A concord grape vine I planted on the eastside of the property seems to be making it. It was a hard winter, that side of the property is completely unprotected from the weather we receive on the hill [lots of wind]; but this single vine is hanging in there. Other than Chula it's the only living reminder I have of Sunnyside, growing up in paradise. Understand Thomas has vines from the farm [if I wanted a more authentic remembrance].

Sometimes I wonder if we can every return [as a family] to farming, living off the land. We're so removed from that life; like it never happened. The roots are there; I've seen lovely gardens visiting relatives over the years; clearly some of us have the gift to grow anything from the earth. Perhaps there's a difference between growing in pleasure [or peace] as opposed to having to survive from the garden's yield. A balance to consider.

ocho. Appreciate the patience in allowing me to share personal thoughts during Lent. So much change in the world, and in our daily lives. If it were possible to share these thoughts with every member of the family, I would have. You all remain in my heart, an extension of who I am.

con paz,
frank